9 years home….

July 28th will be branded into my soul for the rest of my earthly life.  The day the rug got pulled from underneath me.  I felt like someone had taken me by the feet, swung me around, slammed me on the ground, then expected me to get up and live.

How could THIS be Gods “perfect plan” for my life?  For my kids life?  How was  I supposed to live without the love of my life.  My high school sweetheart. How was I supposed to be a mother when I was only half of a person.

It was through this valley of death that I was literally crawling through when God truly revealed His love and tender mercies to me. I wasn’t crawling, I was being carried. I was given the peace the surpassed my understanding.   It’s the faith that Gods word is true and that is what gives me HOPE.

Here I am 9 years later looking back and I can still feel the sting.  I am thankful for that as it awakens me to the memories of feeling such despair and sorrow, and how God has restored my smile.

I have SO much to be thankful for today. Yes, THIS day July 28th.  It was through the pain that I truly discovered who I am, and who God had made me to be.  I have been blessed beyond measure.  Most of all, I am thankful for my children. They are a reflection of their Dad.  He would be SO very proud of them. He loved them with every part of his being.

This photograph is one of my favorites. This was taken at Crater Lake Park about 5 months before he passed away.  They were just babies.:) I have BOXES of prints of Daniel with his children…I will be sharing some throughout this next year.

“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he had done and be astounded.

They will put their trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 40: 1-3

July 28, 2010 - 12:37 pm

ryan young - that is a very tender post amanda. i hope you find comfort in knowing that your internet friends/followers will be thinking of you today.

July 28, 2010 - 12:39 pm

shannon - i can’t even imagine what you went through. thank God for His grace to you.

July 28, 2010 - 12:50 pm

shannon - ps…LOVE the picture….so sweet

July 28, 2010 - 1:52 pm

Mary Oliphant - Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about your loss. Your words are very comforting and uplifting. Your creativity is expressed not only through the camera’s eye – but also through the written word. The Lord has blessed you with much talent Amanda. Continue to use it to inspire us all. You certainly have been pounded by the potter’s hand – He is creating something beautiful in you — a vessel that He is using to pour out His love to the rest of us. Be blessed and at peace sweetheart!! ♥

July 28, 2010 - 11:35 pm

Kris - Memories of that day in July come rushing back. It seems like only yesterday that Daniel got to start his new heavanly life and we began our earthborn sorrow. So many things have changed but the love we feel for our Daniel will always be the same. He is so proud of the life you have made for your children the gifts that you have begun exploring. Yes, the best is yet to be. Soon we will all do the reunion dance of joy and then no more sad remembrabnce days, only days of jubilee.

July 29, 2010 - 4:49 pm

Jana - That really tugged at my heart strings, big time. May God continue to uplift you, encourage you and bring you strength during the hard times! Many happy blessings to you Amanda!!!

July 30, 2010 - 8:55 pm

rosie - Amanda, just reading this now. My heart aches and rejoices with you. I’m so grateful to have you in my life now. ((hugs))

August 10, 2010 - 11:21 am

gillian crane - i don’t know if i could make it through something like that. i don’t share your faith, but am touched by it and your courage. you’re such a positive person, your family is so lucky to have you! funny, i’m not sure how i ended up on your blog this morning, i’m so glad i ended up here….your work is fabulous and i’m so glad you’re doing well.

August 13, 2010 - 8:56 am

jennie gaskins - This post is bitter sweet as you have gone thru something that is one of my worst fears but to see what a strong and God fearing women you are today is just astonding!!